iAMShockTherapy

"My mom is different..."

Sat, 11 May 2013 23:38:26 -0500

For a very long time I’ve wondered why you do some of the things you do. Why you let people say certain things and do certain things to you. I always wonder, “Why does she call me complaining about the same things over and over again?” I’ve wondered, “Why doesn’t she put people in their place?” “Why doesn’t she teach people a lesson?” And now that I’m older and I’ve seen the world through my own eyes, I’ve realized that once you learn how to love, you forget how to do anything else. Once you’ve learned to be a mother, you forget how to be anyone else. I’m thankful that, through your love and kindness, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be good to others without expecting anything in return. It’s okay to love people even though they haven’t quite learned how to love you back. And, most importantly, all we really need is for one person to believe in us for us to believe in ourselves. Thanks for being a MOTHER, by your own definition, and inspiring me to be greater each and every day.

Happy Mother’s Day Mommy

Hypothetically.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 00:09:53 -0500

Ever had so much love for a person that you

don’t really know what to do with it?

It’s overwhelming. Sometimes it makes you do crazy, stupid

things. Other times it scares you into inaction.

For a moment, I’ll pretend I know what I’d do…

I would be patient with you and furiously defend you

from my own intolerance.

I’d forgive the mistrust in my past, the guilt in

yours, and the blurred lines in OURS.

I’d want to be your reflection.. to show you how

beautiful you really are

in those moments when you feel

least attractive.

I would go on midnight runs for pizza and

hold your hand as if I’d lose you should I ever

let go.

I’d heal you from whatever happened to you

From whoever happened to you

and leave the past where it belongs

I’d be open with you and true, even when my

truth isn’t pleasant. I’d be tender, and altruistic,

and kind, and dependable, and

spontaneous, and consistent,

and supportive, and forgiving, and

I’ll lift you up, and I’ll stay down, and I’ll be

attentive, and I’ll be…. vulnerable. Vulnerable

to the point it seems foolish, but I’ll love enough

to trust you won’t make a fool of me.

above all, I’ll be

yours.

I’ll be yours as long as you want me to be.

Ever had so much love for a person that you

couldn’t pretend you didn’t anymore?

Me neither.

-CAS

What happens when we stay silent about things that matter...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 14:36:20 -0600

First they came for the communists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

- Martin Niemöller

Photo

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 17:11:36 -0600

Christmas is over?!

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 17:06:32 -0600

Christmas is over?!

One Saturday Morning.

Sat, 17 Nov 2012 10:42:20 -0600

One Saturday Morning.

Set the tempo. . .

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 18:19:00 -0600

Yesterday I learned that one of my favorite professors passed away moments after celebrating President Barack Obama’s election to a second term. His spirit will live on through everyone that knew him:

November 9, 2012

To the family of Dr. Gerian Steven Moore, and the faculty, staff, & students of Chicago State University:

“Life is a journey, along different paths, through many transitions, marked by an individual, but certain tempo.” – Anderson Franklin

Now and then, the world has a way of introducing people into our lives who unknowingly contribute to our evolution as consummate human beings. Less frequently, we cross paths with people who deliberately and unyieldingly stimulate our growth. Dr. Gerian Moore was one of those people.

When I began the fall 2012 semester, my final 16 weeks at Chicago State University, I envisioned it as the subtle conclusion to a long journey. I imagined that these last few courses would require minimal effort in comparison to every preceding endeavor. Within the first week of Dr. Moore’s class, it was very clear that this last leg would be anything but a smooth segue into December’s pomp & circumstance. You see Dr. Moore, in all of his audaciousness; he actually wanted me to work. Reading without understanding and, what he redundantly referred to as “rote memorization,” was simply not going to cut it. Dr. Moore would only be satisfied once we proved ourselves critically engaged and passionately moved by the material set before us. His style of teaching was a drastic deviation from lecturers I’d had before him and, though I initially found him to be arduous and polemic, I learned to appreciate his motives.

I began to look forward to his class more than any other. I don’t know whether it was his jubilant inquisitions about my time spent since our last meeting or the spirited debates we had about affirmative action and religion. Possibly it was his assertion of P. Diddy as a crooked “street urchin” or his belief that Monica Lewinsky had been relegated to a career of selling purses due to her “rebellion” against the federal government. I’m certain the enjoyment I felt was a fusion of all of these things but, most importantly, I relished in the fact that he challenged me every day. I admired his refusal to allow me, or anyone else in his presence, to settle for mediocrity.

Dr. Moore instilled in me a realization that we, as college students, are exceptional. Our discussions helped me to develop a philosophy that those who have “made it” (i.e. capitalized on opportunities they were blessed with) have to acknowledge that they are indeed exceptional. When they fail to do so they encourage a belief that everyone is afforded the same liberties and, as a consequence, are disinhibited from making any attempt to challenge the system. We must move beyond this “I did it, why can’t you?” mentality that places blame on the individual. Instead, we must adopt a mentality that says, “I did it, you can too.” and let our actions illustrate that belief.

More than any other teacher, quite possibly any other human being for that matter, Dr. Moore has challenged my mode of thinking and encouraged me to be exceedingly conscious of my position in the world. He vehemently professed that my journey was only in its first leg and, as sailor John Paul Jones once proclaimed, “ I have not yet begun to fight!” Professor Moore’s philosophy was that Chicago State was but a checkpoint, that the south side of Chicago was nothing more than a stepping-stone, and that the entire world is ours for the taking. We have not yet set foot on the road to discovery. Coming from a man that knew everything and had been everywhere, I dare question the validity in that declaration.

I must admit that I’ve been somewhat selfish in the writing of this message. Often, I find writing to be more cathartic than emotional expression. Of course I’m saddened by his untimely passing but, I cannot allow that sadness to overshadow the fact that I was made better in the short period I knew him. My intention was to pay at least a nominal amount of homage to a man that has so greatly influenced me in what seems to be such a trivial amount of time. Furthermore, I felt the need to remind others and myself of how instantly our lives can be changed. Just as Dr. Moore so fearlessly lived his, so must we make the most of the lives that we are given. It is our responsibility to set the tempo.

Dr. Moore would accept nothing less than greatness from us and I know without a doubt, without the slightest reservation that we are all greater – because of him.

Rest well, my friend.

The Pursuit Of Equity: Being Single Is Not A Disease

Fri, 12 Oct 2012 19:20:00 -0500

Often, I’ve been asked (and a few times chastised as some sort of love deviant) about my perpetual residence in Singledom. Folks just can’t fathom why a young, goal-oriented, and relatively established man would want to spend countless nights sleeping alone in a bustling, vibrant city like Chicago. Usually people assume there must be something wrong with the single person, perhaps they’re socially awkward, emotionally damaged, or so “popular” (read: serial monogamist) that no one really has any confidence in them making a long-term commitment. Rarely do we think that a single person has actually made a choice to be free from romantic attachment. However, there are many people, like myself, that consciously make a decision not to pursue a relationship with someone unless they feel both parties are “ready.”

Granted, being “ready” is a very broad and ambiguous state that can be defined differently across genders, races, and levels of consciousness. To avoid sounding preachy and judgmental, I’ll tell you what being “ready” means to me and, as customary, difference of opinion is welcome – but not requested.

Long-term relationships, platonic and intimate, are rooted in what social psychologists refer to as an equity principle. Now, don’t go getting your feathers all ruffled thinking that equity means each person has to bring an equal share of everything to the table. It doesn’t mean that your partner has to earn a matching salary, cook breakfast each time you cook dinner, or expeditiously reciprocate every one of your good deeds in similar fashion.

Equity is not as simple as a game of table tennis, with each partner required to instantly return every gesture with equal force. Long-term relationships aren’t maintained through this sort of short-term return of investment. Equity assumes that each person is receiving an outcome proportional to what they are putting into the relationship. If both have a feeling that what they receive from the association corresponds to the assets and efforts they contribute, they both perceive an equitable relationship. Your partner doesn’t need to provide something identical to what you provide, but you need to be content with what they do bring to maintain long-term equity.

Long-term equity isn’t hung up on tallying every red rose and “it’s been a long day” foot massage. It is instead concerned with not keeping score of who does what and when and it is much less calculated. However, when we involve ourselves in relationships where our needs are so grossly unfulfilled, we have no choice but to consciously focus on the inequality of our responsibilities.

Take a look at the recent developments between Chris Brown, Karrueche, and Rihanna. First, and mostly to avoid the risk of being indicted by their legions of fans and friends, I think it’s important to say that I have no internal intelligence regarding their situation so most of the following will be purely hypothetical and based on media speculation.

Chris Brown is without a doubt a very successful and accomplished young man. He’s sold millions of records, performed in countries many of us only read about, and is consistently thinking of new, innovative ways to market and promote his brand.

From what I’ve learned of Karrueche, who I ‘m sure is a very nice and kind-hearted girl, her identity to the public begins and ends with Chris Brown. I’ve read that she models and consistently volunteers for nonprofit organizations, but that’s about all I know of her. She’s a 24 year-old woman that has yet to be associated with a degree, a career, or any long-lasting endeavors. Of course, this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have any, but it does provide a sense of the mode that the majority of the population identifies with her.

From an outsider’s perspective, it would appear that her livelihood was mostly dependent on Brown during the course of their relationship. One look at their social media accounts shows that the majority of their time was spent together. This kind of relationship demands a tremendous amount of responsibility from one partner. Sure, having a partner that is totally dependent on you may be beneficial for someone with a controlling nature or preoccupied attachment (marked by a sense of one’s own unworthiness, anxiety, ambivalence and possessiveness). It could also be a joy for someone who is engrossed with the idea of giving, giving, giving and never receiving or accepting anything in return (FYI, this is me facetiously pretending that person exists). However, it’s not quite as attractive to a person who prefers a mate that can equitably contribute or, as they say in the streets, match their “swag.” Enter Rihanna and her seemingly never-ending bevy of successful accomplishments.

Rihanna is a woman that has achieved a very high level of success in her own right. She sells records, she breaks record, stars in pillow-buster (let’s be honest, it was hardly blockbuster) movies, and is a mononymous brand celebrated across the globe. She’s a person who can do what she wants when she wants to do it and doesn’t have to rely on another’s approval in the process.

This kind of self-reliance and independence is appealing to a mature audience. Sure, it’s nice being able to take care of someone but I think we would much rather do so voluntarily as opposed to it being an absolute necessity. As we mature, a partner’s level of independence becomes a more attractive feature and, from a selfish perspective, it actually allows us more freedom. When our partners have their own obligations, they tend not to be overly preoccupied with what we are doing every waking moment of our lives. In my opinion, having your own “life” before you enter into a union and not totally surrendering that “life” is such an integral part of a long-lasting, healthy relationship.

By now you may be asking what all of this has to do with my choice to be single? Well, I’ve taken the time to critically engage myself and evaluate what “equity” means to me. It’s incredibly important to be aware of what equity is in order for us to determine whether or not another person can and will meet those needs. We often end up disappointed because we’ve made commitments to people who are unable to meet us in the middle in various avenues of the relationship. We need emotional support and make commitments to emotionally unavailable people, assuming that their love for us will change them. We need dinners at fancy restaurants and commit to people with buffet budgets.

I’ve chosen to be conscious about the nonnegotiable facets of my relationships, no matter how strict they may seem to others. It’s much more productive for me to be honest with myself, and others, about who and what I want than it is to force something that just doesn’t fit. I’m single because I’ve chosen not to settle into a partnership where I perceive myself contributing too much and feeling irritable or too little and feeling guilty. I’ve made the conscious choice not to accept anything less than I feel I deserve whether it be respect, love, or honesty. I no longer waste time in relationships that I knew after the third week weren’t really going to last, merely for the sake having the attachment. I’m not afraid of commitment, I’m not afraid of falling in love, and I’m not damaged and broken by my past relationships. I’m awfully optimistic that one day I’ll find myself in a loving, enduring, and healthy relationship. I’m just no longer interested in trying to make “fetch” happen. I’m exercising my right to be single and free until I don’t want to exercise it anymore.

-shockley

am i?...

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 18:51:44 -0500

The solution or the problem?

The beauty or the beast?

Too deep or too shallow?

Like all the other guys?

Making you proud?

the one you got rid of

or the one that got away?

Better than I was before?

Living richly or dying poorly?

Staying ‘down’ or floating away?

Here?

There?

Somewhere in between reality and my dreams?

Or yours?

Moving to fast?

Keeping up?

Ever going to …be.. ready?

Not ready like awake but,

Ready like prepared?

My own creation or the product of your thoughts?

Your actions?

Our Fears?

Ever going to know without wonder?

Too much?

Never enough?

Going to be here when you find out?

Even going to care?

Love Them, ENOUGH.

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 16:00:24 -0500

When we accept someone who cheats/cheated on us…well, that’s what we’re accepting.

We are the ones who make it “okay” to abuse our trust.

I get the whole idea that “everyone makes mistakes” & “deserves a second chance” but that “chance” doesn’t have to be with YOU. They can have a second chance with someone else. They’re not DEAD but their position, their place, and their function in your life IS. People won’t understand that if we don’t make them. And we make it acceptable for everyone else (present and future) when we settle with that. You accept someone who disrespects you and leave everyone else in their future with the responsibility of tying up your loose ends. The people who accept that behavior are just as much responsible for the damage caused by it. It’s not fair and others can’t thank you for that. Ultimately, people who take a stand against disrespect look like the “bad guy” simply because they won’t be subordinate to the mess you made.

TRY THIS, “I’m sorry that the last person you were with allowed you to curse them, lie to them, & cheat on them. I truly am. However…that’s not how things are going to function in OUR world and, if that’s an issue, you can get out the same way you got in.” And it’s best to follow-up on that by making good on your promise not to accept anything short of those simple demands.

I see confusion when people feel like staying in a toxic relationship is the embodiment of real love. “I’m going to stick by the person who treats me horribly and consistently devalues my worth. Eventually, they’ll see how much I love them.” Yeah, because that’s typically what happens, right? Staying translates “what you’re doing is okay with me & no matter how many times you do it, I’ll be here.”

If you truly love someone, love them enough to demand better behavior from them and stop allowing them to misuse you and your gifts. Though it may seem like one of the tragedies of life, sometimes loving means letting them go.

Im interested in your story...

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 16:45:27 -0500

my story? is it sold out on Amazon?! i’ll have my assistant make some calls. :)

"Every day, every waking moment, we are granted with limitless opportunities to be good people. We..."

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 16:43:54 -0500

“Every day, every waking moment, we are granted with limitless opportunities to be good people. We can be generous, loving, kind, and careful. Or, we can be rigid, hateful, stubborn, and reckless. The choice is ours.”

- shockley

Photo Credit: @PagePreferred

Fri, 31 Aug 2012 17:29:00 -0500

Photo Credit: @PagePreferred

"The #1 killer of black people in America is IGNORANCE! Ignoring our health, ignoring our values,..."

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 10:44:32 -0500

“The #1 killer of black people in America is IGNORANCE! Ignoring our health, ignoring our values, ignoring the realities of the world, ignoring EACH OTHER, ignoring our current status & pretending that things will change with or without our action. We are killing ourselves, suffocated by a chokehold we continue to blame on other people and waiting on apologies that may never arrive. We are committing suicide on a daily basis by ignoring the TRUTH about who and where we are.”

- CAS (iAMshockley)

Christianity v Humanity: When Not To Bridge The Gap

Sun, 08 Jul 2012 11:19:00 -0500

The older and more mature I become, the more I learn about the world that surrounds me, I begin to separate my opinions as a Christian from my opinions as a human. There are certain things written in the Bible that I agree with as a Christian. However, as a human, I believe there are social, psychological, emotional, and cultural influences that must also be taken into account.

Thus, the Christian in me may stand firm in agreement while the human in me simultaneously seeks to understand an alternative perspective. And I’m okay with that.

I first began to love myself at age 19 as well…

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 05:36:09 -0500

I first began to love myself at age 19 as well…

Hey Daddy...

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 03:24:36 -0500

Hey Daddy (pronounced “ded-dee”),

I wrote a 2-page letter to you. I wanted you to know what I’ve done over these past 9 months, how I did in school and stuff. I wanted you to know that I understand you so much better now and that, even though I may not agree with you, I get you. I told you how I still hear you asking me “how’s your car doing?” or “do you know how to drive in all that snow?”. I reminisced about weekends on Carriage Lane with Pizza Hut & squash casserole (most of that went into the toilet downstairs, sorry). I wanted you to know how much I appreciate the simple things like merely knowing who you are and what you stand for. I joked about how special I am because Niki and KeKe can’t say they’re your “only” …well, anything. I guess one could be your “only oldest daughter” or “only lawyer daughter” but let’s be honest, that’s really reaching. I told you about this optimistic perspective I have now where instead of thinking “it’s been 9 months since I last saw you” I think “I’m 9 months closer to seeing you again.” I went on and on about this, that, and the other and when I couldn’t think of anything else to talk about…I deleted it all.

I realized that a two-page letter was a little gratuitous when all I really wanted to say is…. I miss you, and I love you, and I hope you’re proud of me.

Happy Father’s Day.

-Chris

there is a space in my heart…i can’t get out of it.

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:40:30 -0500

there is a space in my heart…i can’t get out of it.

"Each time someone dies from cancer, I imagine it’s God’s way of encouraging the most..."

Thu, 17 May 2012 11:22:57 -0500

“Each time someone dies from cancer, I imagine it’s God’s way of encouraging the most talented and brilliant of us to find a cure. It’s counterproductive to think of it (or Him) any other way.”

- RIP Daddy

Forgiveness Simplified

Wed, 16 May 2012 10:44:00 -0500

My life became so much easier once I realized that some people honestly don’t know any better. I realized that people cannot give you what they don’t have. I realized that I should not let them disappoint me because, for them, there is no other option. I am the one with the options.

I don’t get angry. I don’t return fire with fire. I don’t believe one wrong turn deserves another. After all, what sense does it make to follow someone whom you realize is going the opposite direction you wish to go?

When we work to fill our lives with light & love, our worlds become impermeable to hatred and pessimism.

Forgive those people who have wronged you in the past and remove yourself from the chokehold they have on your life’s progression. Remember, for them, there was no other option. They simply didn’t know, then, how to act any other way.

ÇĀŠ